My father raised me to be proud of my German heritage.  Like many Americans, our family did not have extensive detailed genealogical information (until recently), and my father had always believed his side of the family to be almost completely German.  He knew his grandfather had immigrated through Ellis Island from Germany in the early 1900's, and he had always assumed that the rest of the family was fully German as well.


When I moved to Germany, I expected to see people who looked exactly like me.  I had a German last name and growing up in Ohio, I had always been told--repeatedly been told--that I looked German.  But, it turns out that the American stereotype of Germans is wrong; they are not a homogeneous race of tall, muscular people with blue-eyes and blond hair. 


A few months after arriving in Germany, while sharing a bottle of wine with some new German friends, the topic came up.  When I mentioned being told I looked German while growing up, they all started laughing.  Honestly I felt a little offended.  I had always been taught to be proud of my German heritage, and here were Germans laughing at the idea of me being one of them.  To them, the idea that anyone would think I was German was hilarious.  They all agreed--I looked Swedish.  I explained that I didn't have a drop of Swedish blood, but it did little to convince them.  They all swore I was a Swede, NOT a German.


A decade later when I researched my genealogy in depth, I was surprised to find they were right.  Although I do have some family from Germany (the great-grandfather I mentioned earlier)... much of my lineage comes from the Vikings who settled in Sweden, Norway, and The Netherlands. 


My ancestors were the fierce, nomadic warriors who conquered and populated much of northern Europe.  Depending on which generation you look at, they inhabited much of the region; from Iceland to as far east as the Ukraine, conquering into parts of modern-day Germany, and taking the Normandy region of France by force.  (Normandy was so named because of the "North Men" who had invaded/conquered the region.)


As was common in the day, my Viking ancestors inter-married into the royalty of these new territories (usually by force), and thus my family line merges into the royal lines of Europe.  As royalty intermarried within themselves to keep all marriages of royal blood, my bloodline traces back to the palaces of almost every European country. (Arranged marriages were the norm, children were promised in marriage as peace offerings between kingdoms.)  Once I found a link into recorded history, it was easy to trace my ancestry.  Royal family records are highly detailed, and most survive to this day. 


I was amazed to find that if I followed the family tree back far enough, my ancestors came from almost every country in Europe.  Instead of being just German... I could claim heritage from at least 18 European nations.  The majority of my family was from northern Europe, but there was also a princess from Barcelona, several princes from Italy.  While living in Europe I visited the Castle of Salzburg, Austria--imagine my surprise when I learned that my ancestors used to live in that same castle.  My family line even directly ties to the British monarchies of both former years and of today.  Going back a bit further, Charlemagne makes his appearance several times in my family tree due to intermarriage, and I can trace the family all the way to Constantinople (modern-day Istanbul, Turkey)....something I had never imagined possible.

I also found it interesting that along the way many of my female ancestors were listed only as "Concubine" to the King.  Infidelity was expected and the children from those liaisons were often recognized by the royal fathers.


Genetics is a funny thing.... Sometimes one set of genes stands out more than the others.  Out of my parents and grandparents--I most resemble my father's mother, the woman who brings the Viking bloodline to my family tree.  Recently I came across this photo of Anita Ekberg, a Swedish actress and I was stunned.  She could be my sister.  It is funny how right those German friends were:  apparently I look Swedish after all.




Interested in tracing your family tree too?


FamilySearch.org  is a great place to get started, with an ever-expanding list of records from around the world.  All searches are free.


RootsWeb.com and Ancestory.com are two more great resources.


Cyndi's List contains a list of genealogy sites, broken down by region.


And, don't forget the value of Google.  From finding information about historical figures, to finding genealogy resources, through Google the world is at your fingertips.  Good luck!

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Written by Rio Denali

I have two close friends who professed to have it all: A husband they were madly in love with, a great sex life, owned a lovely home, adorable children, were financially secure, had a great reputation ….then they risked it all by cheating. Neither understood why they were doing it.


Both said the other man was “less than” their husband. In both cases, the other man was not as attractive as their husband — and he was not the sort of man either would ever want to marry. (Both said even if they were single, they would not end up with the other man—he was exclusively a fling.)


Neither of these women would ever consider leaving their husbands for the other man. They were not “in love” with these men in the traditional sense.


So, I have to ask myself why?




It’s not only women doing it. We see it everyday on the news—some politician caught up in a scandal. Sex in an airport bathroom, high-priced call girls, a lover in another country. A revolving parade of scandal and deception. These men are throwing away their family and career for an affair. Christie Brinkley is arguably one of the most beautiful women in the world. Her husband had an affair too. It would seem no one is immune.


What makes people cheat? Why risk a lifetime of accomplishment—career, family, prestige--for something that is not intended to be permanent?


My husband theorizes that people build lives they are ill-equipped to handle. We may love being a parent, and a spouse, and a homeowner, but many of us inwardly collapse under the constant pressure and responsibilities. Maintaining a household, children, and a family as well as a marriage takes a lot of work. Add the pressure of day-to-day life—laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. And, the other chores--keeping up the yard, changing the oil in the car, giving the dog a bath--plus a career… and well... life gets full fast. The person we once were gets away from us. One day we wake up with a pile of laundry and a yard full of dog shit and wonder, “How the hell did I get here?”


With no time for ourselves, and little for our marriage, we begin to dream of an escape—a moment just for us, just for ourselves, where we are not “mommy” or “daddy”, but a vibrant, autonomous, sensual person once again….if even for a moment or only an afternoon. And, when opportunity knocks, sometimes it is more than we can do to say, “No.”


We cheat because the other person gives us what we do not get at home; the opportunity to be ourselves with no strings attached. It isn’t an affair of the heart, it is an affair with one’s self. It is an affair where we are the person we long to be, and we can forget about the leaking roof, or the nagging spouse, or all of the other things on our mind….and laugh. Carefree, if only for the moment, we can indulge in the simple pleasures of life; feeling close to another human being, physical intimacy, the pleasure of another’s attention. We escape the reality of the life we have constructed for ourselves, and can be anyone we want—funny, vivacious, flirtatious, erotic… And, that is what is hard to say “no” to.

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Marie* is wildly successful.  She was a pioneer in the ever-popular homemaking-website industry, creating her first website back before there were any others--and initially writing all of her own articles.  Now 10 years later, she runs a mini-empire, with 10 websites, a subscription service, paid advertisers and a small army of writers submitting articles to her for syndication.  Even still, she does much of her own writing yet today, and the articles she authors still  remain some of the most popular on her websites.
 
However, when I met her, she didn't tell me all of that.  Marie is charming and personable--and definitely a consummate professional.  Instantly likable and a true people-person, she is one of the best professional networkers I have ever met.  But when we met, Marie left out some very important parts of her resume...she only told me she was a small business owner.  As we talked more, she told me a bit about the success of  her websites.  Talking in depth over the next few weeks, we covered many aspects of the business, and Marie described herself and her work many ways but never once did she claim the title of "writer" or "author".  In fact, it was about a month into our friendship before I realized she did any writing at all.


Marie has been featured on HGTV and  in Parenting Magazine--and has been reprinted by many other nationally recognizable names; the stuff of any author's dreams.  She has even co-authored a book you may have seen in a bookstore.  Yet Marie did not consider herself a writer.


Being a person who tends to think in psychological terms, I found this most peculiar.  I have met many self-promoters who make their accomplishments out to be more than reality, but I have not met many people good at networking, who do not accept full credit for their accomplishments and promote them with gusto.


When I pointed this out to Marie, the woman who uses words for a living, sat speechless.

"But I am not actually a writer."


"Haven't you made money from writing?"


"Yes."


"In fact, isn't that how you have been supporting your family?"


"Yes, of course."


"And, this has been your sole occupation for the last decade, right?"


"Yes."


"At what point do you get to claim the title of writer?  You do it full-time, make an income from it, and are considered a professional in your field.  Everyone else considers you a writer.  You have already had more success in your writing career than most writers ever do...what will it take for you to consider yourself one?"

 




Or the woman who sits up at night writing the great American novel--at what point does she get to wear the title "writer" proudly?  Is it once she finishes that first novel?  Cashes the first check?  Or is the act of writing itself, performed regularly--even if no one ever reads a word--enough to justify the using the title with pride?


As we discussed this subject, Marie told me about a business seminar she had attended the month before, about being most impressed by a woman who introduced herself as an author.  From the way she carried herself, Marie assumed this woman had published many books.  It was only after talking for a period of time, that Marie realized this woman had never been published at all....in fact, she was still working on her very first novel, yet the woman wore the title of writer with the pride that only comes from a true sense of accomplishment.


Marie said that the irony was not lost on her at the time:  that she, the professional published author, was introducing herself as a small-business owner, while the woman who had not yet finished her first work introduced herself as a writer.  But, even that bit of irony did not push Marie to make the self-concept leap toward adopting the title of "author".


Many labels are an arbitrary thing we assign ourselves.  Someone who writes in her spare time may consider herself an writer, while a paid professional may not.
When not officially bestowed through ceremony or circumstance, a title is often something that we "are" internally and (sometimes but not always) wear externally for the world to see.  It is the sometimes public and always personal definition of a part of our self.  The moment of the first brush stroke, and the moment a person begins thinking of themselves as an artist are two separate events...at some point a mental leap is made, and the title is incorporated into the psyche; a shift in self-perception is made.


Often natural triggers help us make this leap.  Once a person begins spending a significant amount of time in the pursuit of their craft, or once they begin making a certain income from it (particularly if it allows them to "quit their day job") that is when the shift in self image is usually triggered.  But, there are cases where the changes happen so slowly, over a period of years, that there is no natural definitive shift point. 


If you are a stay-at-home mom who begins making a little money from a hobby.... and if success is a slowly built thing, taking place over a number of years instead of all at once... at what point do you consider yourself a professional in your field?  Take my friend for example, at what point did she become a "writer"?  It is hard to pinpoint an exact date, but I think it is safe to agree that she is there now.


Unofficial Experimental Research


They say the recipe for success in the workplace comes down to this:  identify the position you want and dress for it; act like you already have it; carry yourself in a manner befitting the job.


That advice fits in perfectly with the ever-popular Law of Attraction, which states that:

" people's thoughts (both conscious and unconscious) dictate the reality of their lives, whether or not they're aware of it." -Wikipedia

So, why did my friend, who is so grounded in reality in every other way, fail to see what no one else missed?   Secretly I suspect it stems from low self-esteem.  Despite her incredible accomplishments, she did not feel as though she measured up to the accomplishments of others.


Toward the end of our conversation, I challenged Marie to an experiment:  Introduce herself as an author 10 times over the next month. 


Even I could see the difference.  There was something about declaring herself an author to others that finally allowed Marie to incorporate it into her own self-image.  Her new-found confidence was good for her writing and her business, bringing greater web-traffic and ultimately greater ad revenue.   Absorbing the title into her self identity gave her the professional boost she needed to take her business to the next level.




We have all been told not to label our children and not to accept labels put on us by others.  We have been told that labels damage us psychologically, they limit our growth and inhibit our creativity.  However, I would also say that not accepting a label you have earned can be equally as limiting.  I am not a dedicated follower of the Law of Attraction, but there does seem to be something to it; accepting a positive label inwardly, and projecting it outwardly can attract success.


Looking in from the outside, it is easy to see the change that Marie's self-granted title made; the difference in her career when she claimed credit for her success was a pleasure to watch.  I wonder how many of us are doing the same thing?  Take a moment to ponder this question for yourself:  Do you have any missing titles that could make a difference in your life?  Might be worth a closer look.


*Marie's name was changed to protect her identity.

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Every man needs to create his own thunder.

 

- unknown

 

Fun-loving, family-oriented folks with a relaxed view on life. Bubbly and effervescent, they value social relationships. Don't be surprised to find them outdoors, whether walking, fishing, hunting, or playing frisbee in the park--Golden Retriever owners like an active lifestyle.  


Commonly they are drawn to water.


Usually civic-minded, often environmentally conscience, and generally voters, these light-hearted dog owners have a responsible side. Of all breed owners, they are the most likely to volunteer their time or donate to charity. They are generous with their time and spirit.






Self confident with a carefree nature, these are people who love to laugh.







Poodle Owners

Poodle owners appreciate the finer things in life.  They are generally older, and often fastidious and detail-oriented.


Poodle owners like to travel.  They have appreciation for other cultures and many endeavor to learn a second language.


Out of the breeds we profile here, poodle owners are the most likely to be accused of arrogance and snobbery.



Don't be surprised to find Perrier or fine wines in their fridge.

They enjoy frequenting art museums, and have an affinity for classic cars.










The propensity for baby-talk will give them away.


Relationships for them are all consuming and cuddling on the couch is heaven.

These owners enjoy fashion, and frequent the best hair salons.  With regular manicures and pedicures, they always have a polished appearance.  Shoe shopping is a popular pastime, and their hand-bag collection is quite impressive too.  They put extensive thought into color choices in the home, fashion or elsewhere.




They eat in trendy restaurants, don't wear white after Labor-Day, and are loving in nature.











German Shepherd Owners

Highly disciplined in nature with a penchant for precision--German Shepherd owners find comfort in an orderly life. They are the rule-followers.


German Shepherd owners have an understated appearance, often exuding a quiet strength.  The men have short hair; the women likely have a gym membership.  Their car will be conservative, and their home will be tasteful.


 Don't mistake them for unfriendly, rather they tend to stay to themselves.  Highly intelligent, and observers by nature, they often know more then they tell.




Terrier owners appreciate traditional style in dress and home furnishings.  They are non-pretentious, practical and responsible.


Financially secure, they have a plump stock portfolio and always know a good financial planner. 


You will find bourbon or scotch in their liquor cabinet, and left-over pork chops on the refrigerator shelf.  There is a conservative-colored sedan parked inside their garage.


Typically republicans--out of the breeds we profiled today, terrier owners are the most likely to be politicians.


They tend to be older, and well-established.  They have a bookshelf of classic literature, like to read and value education.




You will find them in front of the fireplace when not working.





Chihuahua owners

Most likely to flip you the bird:  Chihuahua owners have an appreciation for mischief.


They are trendy, but not overly concerned with the opinion of others.  Fussy in nature.  And, sometimes they forget to consider others when making decisions.


Stylistically they are flashy; unafraid of color.  From their clothes to their home they make a splash.  Think pimped-out autos, musical horns and bouncing cars with shiny chrome.

Chihuahua owners are not the affectionate sort generally, but are loyal to their family.


They carry the latest telephone in their favorite color--often rhinestone bejeweled.  These are the owners most likely to clothe their dog.




People with great appreciation for strength and majesty.  Generous with their heart and their wallet, and a generous sense of humor to match. 


They enjoy attention, and think outside the box.  Unafraid of a challenge.


While they are responsible by nature, they are not concerned with convention.  Many have a rebellious spirit.


Unconcerned with trends, they know what they like.  Don't expect them to follow the latest fashion, or drive a brand new vehicle. 


Frequently they are horse lovers too.  And even if they are not athletic, they certainly have an appreciation for nature.


Evenings will find them lounging on the couch, watching their favorite TV shows.


Generally they drive an older, SUV-related vehicle, chosen not for looks, but rather a capacity for practical usage.


They live larger than life, and believe in following dreams.  Commitment does not scare them, and often they are the marrying type.  Loyal by nature.

These are people who value experiences over material possessions.

 

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Very funny Scotty!!?

  Now beam down my clothes!

 
Time management is going to do me in.

Call it an early New Year's resolution:  I have decided to get in shape. But finding time for the gym  is proving to be a challenge.


I ignore my to-do list to focus attention on the gym.  After 3 or 4 days in a row of this, I take a day off to get caught up on everything .... but a recovery day turns into 3 or 5.  Being the analytical person I am, I started wondering what is making me do this.  There is only one answer:  poor time management skills.


I work from the time I wake up until I go to bed.  I run one mid-sized and several small businesses from home while taking care of 3 children.  (Did I mention that I homeschool too?)  Perpetual motion from the time I wake up in the morning until long after everyone else goes to bed, and I never seem to get it all done.  In taking an honest look though, I see several time-sucking black-holes in my day.


Twitter is ruining my day.  It really is addictive, isn't it?  This is my escape.  I spend way too much time reading, tweeting, re-tweeting, and following others.  Yes, I do enjoy it and often find some great information that really helps in my quest to improve.  But, there are days that I do not manage to fit in a workout--yet I managed to fit in an hour on Twitter.  Success is never a by-product of misplaced priorities.



TV.  I am not a bad offender, but even watching a couple shows a day makes a difference.  Two 1-hour shows per day, Monday through Friday = 10 hours per week spent in front of the television. I have come to the conclusion that the answer is not turning off the TV, but rather turning TV watching into a workout opportunity.  Imagine the difference, in a course of a year, if you put an exercise bike in front of that television.



Not planning meals.  Healthy food can be cooked inexpensively with little time spent preparing--if you plan ahead.  Put some lean meat, fresh veggies and seasonings in a crock pot... simmer for a few hours....and with only a few minutes of work you have a healthy, delicious meal.  Beats my current method:  wait until the last minute when everyone is starving...throw the kids in the car...and drive to McDonalds.  Planning ahead would save half on calories and cost (and save 100% of the guilt.)



Feeling guilty.  Ok, this one does not truly sap time, but it certainly saps energy which leads to getting less done.  It is important to let go of the past, and focus instead on making each day better than the last.

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One of the hardest things in life is the fact that not everyone will like you.

Once you accept that, your freedom is immeasurable...

Written by Rio Denali

You ask about the most important lesson I have learned in the past 10 years? Well, If you want to give me a little more leeway—say 15 years—I could dazzle you with fantastic experiences, each of which was a lesson in it’s own right. I have hung over the extended rear-ramp of a Chinook helicopter in-flight, was assigned to a 128’ Army tugboat in the Puget Sound, and was chased through the streets of Panama during a military deployment. I could write a firsthand account about the architectural and cultural differences between eastern and western Europe, and the toll an ineffective governmental regime can take on a country. I would tell you how making friends with an older German man—one who told me stories about being a 14-year-old running from the American soldiers at the end of WWII, certain he would be killed if captured--changed my perspective on war; opening my eyes to it’s brutal effects on children. My military and life adventures have taken me around the globe. I have met incredible people along the way, some of whom have changed the way I see the world.


However, for the last 10 years I have devoted myself to raising children. While it does not make for the same excitement, the most important lessons of my life have come from my time as a parent. For example: sometimes a Superman costume is brilliant attire for the grocery store.


Compromise and negotiation are art forms taught to perfection in the boot camp of parenthood. There are battles that must be won at all costs: “Do not touch the stove.” “Look both ways before you cross the street.” “Do not put your brother in the clothes dryer.” Then, there are the other battles--the battles that are forgotten about the next day, over things that in the “grand scheme of things” really mean very little. Compromise is a matter of setting priorities and choosing your battles wisely. Not all battles are equal and if you approach every point of contention with the same heightened intensity, you will exhaust yourself and ultimately lose authority. While I still stand my ground against the girls curling our golden retriever’s hair with a curling iron, I have learned the value of negotiation when it comes to allowing a toddler to wear a Spiderman costume to the grocery store in exchange for eating vegetables at lunchtime.


“What does this have to do with law?”, you are surely asking yourself by now. Well, it is simple. Few cases actually make it to trial. In law, settlement is king—and settlements are only reached through the art of negotiation and compromise. My experience of parenting a large family provides me with years of expertise in this area. Seriously, who is better qualified to successfully negotiate a compromise than a woman who can get a toddler to eat vegetables? Speaking of vegetables, I must be going now—it’s time to take Spiderman to the grocery store.

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This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.

 

"Lightning lit up the ominous sky.  Thunder cracked... He felt the rush of adrenaline, wonder and awe that he always experienced when the elements went wild... The raw, exhilarating passion of the thunderstorm made him think of Tango Dancer, the mysterious lady who sometimes walked through his dreams." 

-- by Jayne Ann Krentz, from Falling Awake                                                                                 

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