Quoted from Rick's Place ... a blog by Rick Schoen

EXCERPTS FROM THE DIARY OF A CAT

Sunday, 28. June 2009, 19:43:45



Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.


They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.


The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.


Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.


Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.


I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........

Cierra Brewster (one of the wittiest people I know) sent this my way...

Originally found on AngryJulieMonday.com

Why spelling is so important....This was written by a 3rd grader.  

Written by Rio Denali

 

Garran, Australia

 

Imagine lying in your bed beside your spouse when the most unthinkable happens:  a home invasion.

 

At 2:00 am a suburban Australian couple were awoken to a night they would never forget.  Their bedroom window was smashed as an intruder came barreling through.  A dark figure landed on their bed and began trampling them with such force that one side collapsed under the weight.

 

Only half awake, Beat Ettlin and his wife Verity Beaman had no idea was going on in their bedroom. “I thought it was a lunatic ninja coming at us through the window,” said Beat. “I just couldn’t comprehend what was going on.”



Beat was initially relieved to discover it was "only" a kangaroo, but that relief was short-lived.


The kangaroo had apparently been in the couple's backyard, which butts up to a wildlife preserve,  and gotten scared by the family dog's bark.  It jumped into black space, trying to escape - however that black space 5 feet off the ground was the couple's bedroom window.


The kangaroo jumped on the bed and nightstand, gouging the headboard and wall, and smearing blood everywhere before seeing the open bedroom door as an escape, and headed down the hall.  The instantaneous relief Beat felt to see the kangaroo go -- quickly turned to horror has he heard his terrified son screaming down the hall:  "There's a 'roo in my room!"

“That was enough for me,” Ettlin said, “I thought I have to do something about it. There is no way I can let him jump in there and hurt my son."

A kangaroo attack is no laughing matter.  Kangaroos can be deadly.  While human attack is rare, a kangaroo can easily kill a human with their powerful hind legs or  even disembowel them with razor-sharp claws.  Any Australian will know, a man should never take on a kangaroo.

Good thing Beat wasn't from Australia.  He's a Swiss-born chef, who could think of nothing but the screams of his 10-year old boy.  So, the 5 foot 9 inch father, clad only in his underwear, ran down the hall and jumped on the back of the 6 foot mad marsupial. 

Beat wrestled the animal to the floor.  After putting Roo in a choke hold, Beat kept it low to the ground and pulled it toward the front door. "He knew that kangaroos carry their strength on their hind legs,"  Beman said.

“I had to push with my full body weight and I got him as low as I could. It was quite aggressive and tried to escape of course. I could feel how powerful it was," said Beat.

Ettlin was able to open the front door with one hand and push the animal outside. It was then the kangaroo bolted away and vanished into the bushes.

So, what do you do if a kangaroo goes after your kid in his bed?  If you're Beat Ettlin, you wrestle the marsupial into a headlock, drag it down your hallway and toss it out your front door.  You save your kid and you do it in your underpants.

Would you like to reprint this article?  

Please be our guest as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.

Fun-loving, family-oriented folks with a relaxed view on life. Bubbly and effervescent, they value social relationships. Don't be surprised to find them outdoors, whether walking, fishing, hunting, or playing frisbee in the park--Golden Retriever owners like an active lifestyle.  


Commonly they are drawn to water.


Usually civic-minded, often environmentally conscience, and generally voters, these light-hearted dog owners have a responsible side. Of all breed owners, they are the most likely to volunteer their time or donate to charity. They are generous with their time and spirit.






Self confident with a carefree nature, these are people who love to laugh.







Poodle Owners

Poodle owners appreciate the finer things in life.  They are generally older, and often fastidious and detail-oriented.


Poodle owners like to travel.  They have appreciation for other cultures and many endeavor to learn a second language.


Out of the breeds we profile here, poodle owners are the most likely to be accused of arrogance and snobbery.



Don't be surprised to find Perrier or fine wines in their fridge.

They enjoy frequenting art museums, and have an affinity for classic cars.










The propensity for baby-talk will give them away.


Relationships for them are all consuming and cuddling on the couch is heaven.

These owners enjoy fashion, and frequent the best hair salons.  With regular manicures and pedicures, they always have a polished appearance.  Shoe shopping is a popular pastime, and their hand-bag collection is quite impressive too.  They put extensive thought into color choices in the home, fashion or elsewhere.




They eat in trendy restaurants, don't wear white after Labor-Day, and are loving in nature.











German Shepherd Owners

Highly disciplined in nature with a penchant for precision--German Shepherd owners find comfort in an orderly life. They are the rule-followers.


German Shepherd owners have an understated appearance, often exuding a quiet strength.  The men have short hair; the women likely have a gym membership.  Their car will be conservative, and their home will be tasteful.


 Don't mistake them for unfriendly, rather they tend to stay to themselves.  Highly intelligent, and observers by nature, they often know more then they tell.




Terrier owners appreciate traditional style in dress and home furnishings.  They are non-pretentious, practical and responsible.


Financially secure, they have a plump stock portfolio and always know a good financial planner. 


You will find bourbon or scotch in their liquor cabinet, and left-over pork chops on the refrigerator shelf.  There is a conservative-colored sedan parked inside their garage.


Typically republicans--out of the breeds we profiled today, terrier owners are the most likely to be politicians.


They tend to be older, and well-established.  They have a bookshelf of classic literature, like to read and value education.




You will find them in front of the fireplace when not working.





Chihuahua owners

Most likely to flip you the bird:  Chihuahua owners have an appreciation for mischief.


They are trendy, but not overly concerned with the opinion of others.  Fussy in nature.  And, sometimes they forget to consider others when making decisions.


Stylistically they are flashy; unafraid of color.  From their clothes to their home they make a splash.  Think pimped-out autos, musical horns and bouncing cars with shiny chrome.

Chihuahua owners are not the affectionate sort generally, but are loyal to their family.


They carry the latest telephone in their favorite color--often rhinestone bejeweled.  These are the owners most likely to clothe their dog.




People with great appreciation for strength and majesty.  Generous with their heart and their wallet, and a generous sense of humor to match. 


They enjoy attention, and think outside the box.  Unafraid of a challenge.


While they are responsible by nature, they are not concerned with convention.  Many have a rebellious spirit.


Unconcerned with trends, they know what they like.  Don't expect them to follow the latest fashion, or drive a brand new vehicle. 


Frequently they are horse lovers too.  And even if they are not athletic, they certainly have an appreciation for nature.


Evenings will find them lounging on the couch, watching their favorite TV shows.


Generally they drive an older, SUV-related vehicle, chosen not for looks, but rather a capacity for practical usage.


They live larger than life, and believe in following dreams.  Commitment does not scare them, and often they are the marrying type.  Loyal by nature.

These are people who value experiences over material possessions.

 

Want to reprint this article?   

Be our guest as long as you include this complete blurb with it:

This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.

Written by Rio Denali

No more guessing!  Would you believe they now have do-it-yourself (at home) doggie DNA tests?

BioPet Vet Lab in Knoxville, Tennessee, can give you the answers you are looking for, and for only around $60.  It's a simple test.  The kit, available from many on-line vendors such as Mojopet and MuttMart -- or at PetSmart Stores nationwide -- involves a simple cheek swab.  BioPet can process the test in 2 weeks, and when it is complete, they mail the Ancestry Analysis Certificate directly to your home, along with a report detailing the percentages of each breed found.

Click here to see an example showing DNA ancestry for Luke, a beautiful mixed breed pup (you must scroll halfway down page.)

While BioPet Vet Lab's test cannot detect every rare breed, they have an impressive list of 58 currently on file, and the company is continually working to add more breeds.

List of currently identifiable breeds.

What I did not realize is the additional applications of this test (beyond the obvious curiosity that us mixed-breed dog owners feel...)

Homeowners insurance companies now charge increased rates for some dog breeds, and out-right refuse to insure homes with others.  Some condo and home-owners associations also restrict specific breeds.  Being able to prove that your dog is -- or is not -- a specific breed, despite his appearance, can make a world of difference!

Also, knowing the breed characteristics of a mixed breed dog can be beneficial.  Hip dysplasia, Glaucoma, Bloat, and certain cancers are just a few examples of breed-prone illnesses.  Knowing a dog's genetic makeup can help determine which diagnostic tests and screenings may be beneficial.

Also knowing that a puppy may face an increased risk of high prey drive or aggressiveness is valuable when making training decisions.  Knowing the propensity toward aggression allows the owner to seek a higher level of professional training, such as dog obedience school, while the dog is still young. 

On Friday, I rescued a mixed-breed pup from the side of the road, who I am going to test through BioVet.  I'll keep you posted on the results!

Follow-up:  The puppy turned out to be a collie / beagle / lab mix.  We found him a great home; a happy ending for all.

This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.