Telemarketers read from a script which is aimed at controlling the conversation and getting you to answer whatever they ask....

Want to have some fun? Try these suggestions, but try not to laugh:


1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you sure could use some money!


2. If they start out with, "How are you today?", answer, "Why do you want to know?"

Alternatively, say "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.


3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Then ask how to spell the city name. Continue asking them personal questions, or questions about their company for as long as necessary.



4. This works great if you are male:

Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..."

You: Wait for a second and in a husky voice ask, "What are you wearing Judy?"


5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! I that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" This will throw Judy for a loop, as she tries to figure out if she actually knows you or not.


6. Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep up a rhythmic tempo even as they are trying to speak. This is the most fun if you can do it until they hang up.


7. If a phone company calls, asking you to sign up for a "Friends & Family Plan", reply in a SINISTER voice, "I don't have any friends....would YOU be my friend?"


8. If the company cleans rugs, respond:

"Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about HUMAN blood?"


9. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask them to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them you couldn't imagine giving your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.


11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream "Oh my God!!! DON'T DO IT!", and hang up.


12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment, but if they will give you their HOME number you will call them later.

When the telemarketer explains they cannot give out their HOME number say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?"


13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.


14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly, and continue with dinner conversation.


15. Tell the telemarketer you are on house arrest, and ask them to bring you beer.


16. Ask them to fax the information to you and make up a number.


17. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you....but I should probably tell you I'm not wearing any clothes."



18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.

"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously Leon, how's your mama?"


19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up....louder.....louder....louder....


20. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD DOWN!


21. Hand the phone to your 3 year old to have a chat.

More Telemarketer Fun....

Try this counter-script!

 

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This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.