Article written by Rio Denali
Earlier today I referenced the article, Why Coke won the Cola Wars, by John Lyle.
"Real authenticity is the key.It doesn't matter who you are;success comes from being yourself."- Danny Strong
Her comment got me to thinking:
In trying to be someone you are not--or denying the person you are--even if it is a selfless act meant to please others, one ultimately finds misery and disdain. Few things are more attractive than genuineness, and the confidence that is inherent in being true to yourself. Even if people don't like you--they will respect you for being yourself.
What I learned from an Ass
When I was just entering the workforce and very young, I worked with a man in his early thirties who was the biggest asshole I had ever met. He was not mean in any way, rather this man said exactly what he thought. Pleasantries were not something he engaged in, and saying he was blunt was an understatement.
At first I hated him for his brashness, but there was something about his unapologetic genuineness that utterly captivated me. He had a habit of standing up for people who had no voice, and would call out upper management whenever he felt something should be said. (Something no one else had the courage to do.)
The more time I spent in the corporate cut-throat culture, the more I came to admire him, and we became the best of friends. What you saw was what you got. This man did not engage in games or manipulations; he was true to himself to a perfect degree. He was the sort of person you either loved or hated, and I had never met anyone like him before. His impression on me was so strong that I sit here writing about him 18 years later....
The more time I spent in the corporate cut-throat culture, the more I came to admire him, and we became the best of friends. What you saw was what you got. This man did not engage in games or manipulations; he was true to himself to a perfect degree. He was the sort of person you either loved or hated, and I had never met anyone like him before. His impression on me was so strong that I sit here writing about him 18 years later....
True Authenticity of Self is the Key to Success
Over the years, I have noticed this phenomena time and again: True authenticity of self is the key to success, both professionally and personally. These are the people we are drawn too, and the people we don't forget. Dating advice will tell you to "be a creature unlike any other." Branding and marketing gurus will tell you not to mimic the competition, but strive to set yourself apart from it. Fashion experts will say that it is the people who set the trends, not follow them, that are the ones to watch. As a designer or artist the last thing you want to do is be cookie-cutter or "vanilla" in your work or your appearance - you must have something new to offer. I could go on and on with examples...but the point is always the same. And, it applies to every facet of life.
Romance
I also write a blog about dating, love, relationships and marriage [KeyLargoKiss.com]... So I often find myself looking at things from that perspective. I have always found it fascinating that so many women fall for the "cad" (old term, forgive me for not thinking up a better one). Think Charlie Harper from the television show Two and a Half Men--he is a perfect example.
Charlie
Charlie's character is a ruthless womanizer, heavy drinker, compulsive gambler and selfishly irresponsible, but you can't help but like the guy. On the show, Charlie makes no excuses about who or what he is. He doesn't try to hide it. He is what he is, and he is ok with that. There are no self-help books on his nightstand. You can like him or not, but your approval is irrelevant. There is something inherently sexy in his self-accepting confidence. Every man would love to have a beer with him--and despite knowing he is a womanizer, women still find him irresistibly charming.
Jerry
I knew a "Charlie" in real life. (This was a number of years ago, before marriage...) His name was Jerry. Jerry was incredibly handsome, a self-made success owning several successful businesses at 30 years old. Jerry did not do commitments, and was bluntly up-front about that, but Jerry loved the ladies and the ladies loved him. Why? Because Jerry genuinely adored women. When he spoke to a woman, it was as if she was the only person in the room. Jerry had a way of making every woman feel beautiful, special and appreciated--all the while telling you that he will never stop dating other women. Jerry was honest with his intentions; he never lied, and women just couldn't get enough of him.
Celebrated Cads
We find these characters celebrated throughout fiction. Whether it is the main character in John Sandford's "Prey" series, or James Spader's character on Boston Legal, you can't help but like the person who accepts themselves with unapologetic confidence.
Cowboy in the CourtroomAnother great example comes in the legal field,Gerry Spence, the rebel attorney who is one of America's finest legal minds. He tried many famous cases, including Karen Silkwood's (of the movie "Silkwood" fame). What makes Gerry a rebel? Read his book, "How to Argue and Win Every Time." You will find a man of extraordinary power, who remains non-pretentious and very approachable... and generally you will find him wearing his fringed cowboy jacket (not your typical attorney attire.)
In his book, How to Argue and Win Every Time, Gerry writes about this very topic: being genuine. Gerry attributes his success in front of juries to various things: a refusal to use big words (as opposing counsel will often do in an effort to look important), and an ability to be himself and relate to everyone in the room. This sounds like simple advice, but clearly it has been effective, and Gerry Spence has one of the most impressive legal records in America.
Tell the truth. With ordinary words you have learned the incredible power of credibility. Being who you are is powerful. Saying how you feel is powerful. To be open and real and afraid, if you are afraid, is powerful. The power argument begins and ends by telling the truth. Truth is power.
--Gerry Spence, excerpt from How to Argue and Win Every TimeGerry Spence is a "real guy". And, "How to Argue and Win Every Time" recommends avoiding games and deception. To be successful in any arena, you must drop your guard, be a genuine voice, and tell the truth even when it isn't popular to do so. This can only be achieved when you are being yourself. Everyone can spot a fake. It takes the truth about yourself and the facts to sway any audience.
Marketing
Have you ever known someone who chased your approval?
When looking at the chart below, showing Coke and Pepsi logos over the years it does become clear that Pepsi was chasing public approval, changing logos with definite regularity -- while Coke was retaining the essence of what led to their success.
Teens
As Gloria said:
Coca Cola still comes across as Old fashioned-- like the wisdom of a grandparent--still fresh, despite the changing of the times, certain lessons remain the same.
The message here for me is this: how you present yourself to the world should reflect your essence. Just as Pepsi has confused it's customer base over the years by changing it's image to suit the times or the "changing" mindset of their audience, continuing to alter your appearance or your image to suit others is a mistake.What I found especially provocative was Gloria's application of this article to the "Chameleon Trap" among teens, where they try so hard to fit in or gain approval, that they lose themselves in the process... The teenage years are marked by an exploration of self, trying to find your role in the world. While this can be a turbulent time, it is important for teens to know that this search for self is a vital step in the journey toward adulthood. Although high school can feel as if it will last forever, anyone who has been out for a few years will tell you that it is a fleeting thing. It is important not to change for people who are only going to be a temporary fixture in your life. Remember that you must live with you for the rest of your life; stay true to yourself above all others.
Losing yourself
Losing yourself in relationships can happen at any age. Who hasn't sat through something they hate for the sake of love? Football? Opera? Baseball Games? Chick Flicks? Give and take is part of any relationship, however when you begin to live the other person's life, and give up what makes you the person you are in the process...you tread on dangerous ground.
“Don’t settle for a relationship that won’t let you be yourself.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
Whether in a romantic, professional, or personal setting one of the most important life lessons for any of us to learn, is the value of being true to yourself. Remember in trying to be someone you are not--or denying the person you are--even if it is a selfless act meant to please others, one ultimately finds misery and disdain. Few things are more attractive than genuineness, and the confidence that is inherent in being true to yourself. Even if people don't like you--they will respect you for it.
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- This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.
