Why Do People Cheat?

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PhotobucketWritten by Rio Denali

I have two close friends who professed to have it all: A husband they were madly in love with, a great sex life, owned a lovely home, adorable children, were financially secure, had a great reputation ….then they risked it all by cheating. Neither understood why they were doing it.


Both said the other man was “less than” their husband. In both cases, the other man was not as attractive as their husband — and he was not the sort of man either would ever want to marry. (Both said even if they were single, they would not end up with the other man—he was exclusively a fling.)


Neither of these women would ever consider leaving their husbands for the other man. They were not “in love” with these men in the traditional sense.


So, I have to ask myself why?




It’s not only women doing it. We see it everyday on the news—some politician caught up in a scandal. Sex in an airport bathroom, high-priced call girls, a lover in another country. A revolving parade of scandal and deception. These men are throwing away their family and career for an affair. Christie Brinkley is arguably one of the most beautiful women in the world. Her husband had an affair too. It would seem no one is immune.


What makes people cheat? Why risk a lifetime of accomplishment—career, family, prestige--for something that is not intended to be permanent?

People build lives they are ill-equipped to handle


My husband theorizes that people build lives they are ill-equipped to handle. We may love being a parent, and a spouse, and a homeowner, but many of us inwardly collapse under the constant pressure and responsibilities. Maintaining a household, children, and a family as well as a marriage takes a lot of work. Add the pressure of day-to-day life—laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. And, the other chores--keeping up the yard, changing the oil in the car, giving the dog a bath--plus a career… and well... life gets full fast. The person we once were gets away from us. One day we wake up with a pile of laundry and a yard full of dog shit and wonder, “How the hell did I get here?”


How the hell did I get here?

With no time for ourselves, and little for our marriage, we begin to dream of an escape—a moment just for us, just for ourselves, where we are not “mommy” or “daddy”, but a vibrant, autonomous, sensual person once again….if even for a moment or only an afternoon. And, when opportunity knocks, sometimes it is more than we can do to say, “No.”


We cheat because the other person gives us what we do not get at home; the opportunity to be ourselves with no strings attached. It isn’t an affair of the heart, it is an affair with one’s self. It is an affair where we are the person we long to be, and we can forget about the leaking roof, or the nagging spouse, or all of the other things on our mind….and laugh. Carefree, if only for the moment, we can indulge in the simple pleasures of life; feeling close to another human being, physical intimacy, the pleasure of another’s attention. We escape the reality of the life we have constructed for ourselves, and can be anyone we want—funny, vivacious, flirtatious, erotic… And, that is what is hard to say “no” to.

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This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.