Not tonight Dear, I'm watching TV
| Labels: culture and society, food for thought, love and relationships, psychology, written by Rio Denali | Posted On
Television ruining your sex life?
When we think of people having a vice, we think of the classics: booze, cigarettes and chocolate. But, not all vices are so obvious.
Everyone has vices that we use to numb our moods or help us get through the day. They are the little habits, rituals and routines that we cannot live without. It could be a glass of wine with dinner, our evening walk to relax, or watching our daily soap opera. Vices don't have to be big things--they just have to bring us comfort, and bring the feeling of normalcy to our daily life.
For many years there were no televisions in the bedroom.
TV's were large. They lived in the living room or den, but the bedroom remained a sanctuary. Flash forward to modern society where flat screens are king. A TV can be attractively placed in any room of the house now, even the bathroom. Having a television in the bedroom is now commonplace, so much so that many couples have come to see a television as a vital part of the master suite--as necessary and useful as an en-suite bathroom or walk-in closet. And, our sex lives have suffered for it.
There was a time when married couples retired for the evening to a dark, quiet bedroom. In the dark, senses are heightened; we are more aware and in-tune with our surroundings. Lying next to each other in the dark, suddenly we begin to notice the rise and fall of each other's breath, the warmth of our spouse's body, their scent...the mind wanders; the body reacts... and connection. (Fireworks)
It's a picture that contrasts with the flat screen lifestyle. Picture a couple lying next to each other, but not focused on each other physically or emotionally. They don't focus on each other's breath, or the feel of their skin as it brushes against the other's. Caught up in the show, their senses are dulled to the sensations that create desire for one's spouse. Their attentions are consumed--and there is very little left over. One spouse may even lean in to say, "I love you," only to be told to hold that thought until the next commercial. (Don't want to miss the show.) Lying next to one another in the most intimate of settings--yet they are totally disconnected and alone.
Television in the bedroom becomes a vice; a routine. The ritual may be the Tonight Show, or the nighttime news, or even re-runs of their favorite show.... but tv becomes the ritual. It becomes the focus of the time when couples naturally turn to each other for comfort and connection. Television saps the final waking time, until too tired to watch TV any longer they turn off the lights for sleep. Sex is an afterthought that both are too tired to partake in at this point.
Nature takes it's course when we allow it to.
Lying in the dark with no outside distractions, next to the one we love, stirrings of desire are a normal physiological and emotional response. We begin to feel an emotional and physiological desire for the physical connection so vital to maintaining a strong, loving marriage. Take away the opportunity for nature to take it's course, and we are left with a shallow relationship, and a wilted sex life devoid of passion. (Can you say, "Recipe for divorce?")Homework:
Feeling reluctant to part with your bedroom TV? Try this experiment: Turn off the television in your bedroom for 2 week--AND--go to bed 15 minutes early each night.Experts say it takes 2 weeks to create a habit. By the end of your 2-week experiment, you may just find that you have a new vice. Sex and physical/emotional intimacy with your spouse may just replace the television. Connecting to your spouse will become the evening routine instead of the Tonight Show, and you may just be happier for it. (Fireworks)
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- This article was originally featured on RioDancesOnTheSand.com, a blog for the thinking person... Written by Rio Denali, a 30-something with peculiar curiosities, who makes the observations that many of us avoid. Full of useful links and entertaining articles, it is a fun favorite for the intelligent reader. For more great articles like this, please visit RioDancesOnTheSand.com.
